Hardeep S. (Barking, East London, UK) - Recovering from Chronic depression and Attempted Suicide
In 2006, I was diagnosed with chronic bipolar depression becasue I had attempted suicide with a drugs overdose. I hadnt had more than a few minutes continuous sleep for maybe 4 or 5 years, I used to wake up in a panic after a few minutes and was exhausted and had given up on life. My husband and two daughters had been suffering for years and my illness had hurt and wore down everyone. I felt terrible anyway and then felt terrible about what I was doing to my family and it just never seemed to end. My older daughter had just announced that she was going to get married and I cant tell you how scared this made me feel. When it all got too much and I couldnt cope any more I took a bottle of painkillers but fortunately my husband managed to get me to the hospital in time to have me treated. The journey home from the hospital was a terrible journey.
It was through one of my husbands friends that we heard about you and it was in desperation that we came to see you; my husband almost bullied me into coming. I remember that we met at a friends house and when I told you about my sleeping problem , I couldnt believe that you laughed at me! Now, I know that you laugh a lot! I was 100% sure that I wasnt going to sleep and you just smiled and asked me to humour you and lie down and listen. When I woke up and found out that I'd been asleep for four and a half hours I didnt know what to say. I began to believe that you could help me and as our meetings progressed I found that nothing I told you seemed to be a major problem - and you were right. I made more progress in two weeks than I had in the 12 years since my first husbands death and since there were only two more weeks to my daughters wedding I was so grateful that you made me a priority. Nobody believed that I would be able to dance at my daughters wedding reception and I was very very pleased that I managed it. But then you always knew I would.
Now four years later, I have no medication, no more doctors and life is back to being good. I rarely have the dark days anymore and when I do, I just read my reminders and the clouds pass so quickly. I still do the practices which you taught me and I've even taught some of them to my daughters!
As I have said to you so many times, you do need to teach more people, and I am delighted that you have at last started to talk more about what you do, and to teach what you have learned! I believed what I had been told, that I would be on drugs for a long time to come and I may not have been here if it wasnt for your help. There are so many more people in the same trouble so get out there! If me or my family can help you do this, we are here for you like you were there for us. God bless you.